I know exactly what you are going through, my heart and my light are going out to you.
I know the deep sense of pain, frustration, anger, isolation, confusion, and heartache that fills you and surrounds you. I am a survivor of cyber sexual assault, harassment, stalking and extortion, from someone I loved, trusted and believed in. It can be devastating and unbearable to believe that someone could rape you publicly over the Internet, threaten you, torment you with images and content without your consent or permission. It leaves you feeling embarrassed, ashamed, terrorized and humiliated. These feelings are destructive and do more damage than the crime itself in many ways.
I invite you to first and foremost experience all of it, temporarily and then choose to release it all. I know it’s hard, and you may think at this moment, it’s not possible to release and forgive, but I’m here to tell you that you can and you will survive this, but you must choose NOW to have a breakthrough and not a breakdown.
Learning and trusting to choose love over fear, standing in your own personal power and discovering who you need to become to get through this, is so important for your successful survival.
It’s up to you. Your thoughts and emotions will leave you living in either a self-made prison or palace. You can choose love or hate, fear or courage, strength or weakness, joy or pain.
I am here, along with my team at 50 Shades of Silence, to support you and let you know, this is temporary and shall pass. The choice is yours on how you will respond and react to these horrible circumstances.
I invite you to KNOW…
- You are not a victim and you are not his or her victim.
- There is nothing to be ashamed of, shameful for or shameful about.
- You did nothing wrong.
- Allow yourself to feel and experience the pain, turmoil, disbelief, anger, frustration, and confusion.
Choose also to experience forgiveness of yourself and try, as hard as it may seem to forgive the perpetrator. He or she wins, as long as you wallow in hate and anger towards them.
Release the thoughts and emotions that center around the “how did this happen to me, how could he, why is this happening, what did I do wrong, who would be so mean, I don’t deserve this…etc”. Your holding onto and questioning these things only keeps you in the space of drama and victimization. It’s not your fault, don’t look for unsupported answers. Release the questions.
Stop the self-sabotage and self-wounding. I gained 22 pounds, had adrenal failure, suffered many sleepless nights and bouts of low energy and tried to isolate myself when I could. I was only giving him weapons of my own self-destruction. I was further crucifying myself. When I finally decided to be transformed in a more positive way, through this experience and learn anything positive from this, when I forgave myself and him and released the emotional charge and self-sabotage, I was finally lifted from the pain and self-torment. I could see and speak clearly and move forward now and so can you.
Don’t spend time and energy overdramatizing the situation by creating a raving fan base of angry supporters. Find a few good people to stand with you, support you, hold you, comfort you and help you research and take appropriate action. Hire an attorney and look at the resources I’ve provided to find an organization that can help you find an attorney, pro bono if you cannot afford one.
Get clear on what actions you will take. Try to think clearly and ask yourself and others:
- What must be done?
- Who needs to be involved?
- Where do I need to turn to?
- Who do I need to talk to?
- Where do I need to go?
Stay committed and on track and true to yourself. Self-care and healing through this are vital and so very important. Let me encourage you to pray, meditate, journal or write, talk this out with people who love and support you. Try gentle exercises like walking, running, yoga or swimming. Get massages, take long baths, try soothing music, candles and incense. Try Tapping Therapy or other Emotional Freedom Techniques. Consider natural therapies and stillness practices. Eat clean and nutritious, take healthy supplements and get plenty of sleep and rest. Make time to laugh, play, relax and enjoy the other people and things in your life.
You must restore yourself, rejuvenate and return yourself to you.
I have provided you with some first steps to take, click the links below to:
You can also follow this quick guide below on steps to take if this happens to you.
You are meant to rise and shine and it is my greatest wish for you that you will now and forever more!
—Darieth Chisolm
Darieth is available to host workshops, retreats and one on one coaching, you can also click on the links to book her as a speaker and reach out to her for her coaching programs.